There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
