Jerry, you need to find god
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
