9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
