bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
