Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
