She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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