he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
