Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
