I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
