Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
