i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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