Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
