Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
