i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
