I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
