How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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