I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
