Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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