Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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