i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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