Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
