i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This is classic penis vs brain.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
