i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
