i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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