you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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