im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My cat gives me a boner
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
