i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
