haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
