I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
