ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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