why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
