i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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