I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
