Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
