he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
