There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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