I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
