mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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