Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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