My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
