I got chris browned last night
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
