Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
