Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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