Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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