Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
