i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
