i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
