im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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