if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
