I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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