So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
