you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
