Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
