I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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