i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He felt like a one man threesome
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
